Anything Man

For a few years I’ve been sending emails to one of my favourite comedy groups, Tripod, asking them if/when they’ll make all of their song in an hour challenges available.

For those of you that weren’t listening to Triple J back in the late 90’s and early 00’s might have missed it, but this is how it worked.

Every Tuesday morning at 7am the three members of Tripod would join Wil Anderson and Adam Spencer who would set the challenge. The two hosts would set the music styles and a few things that the song had to include.

In this particular challenge the song had to be

  • A rock song (I think)
  • Contain the words Sieverts and hyper nephelometer turbidity
  • Contain a false finish
  • Be about a super hero

When I was young
when I was a kid at
Templestone Primary school

There was a game
that all of us did at
Templestone Primary school

Me and my friends
We would pretend
That we were super heros

Each of us had our own super hero
Who we’d like to be.
The unspoken word was you could only play hero’s
From Marvel or D.C.

The system was good,
You knew where you stood
Until Frank Burts came along and he invented

Anything man, Anything man,
Anything man, Anything man,
He could do anything which made the game impossible to win

(Okay Anything man, I throw my battering at you)
(It bounces right off me. Anything man, I’m impervious to anything)
(Oh this isn’t fair, Batman’s basically human)
(You could have been Anything man)
(Alright, alright, I’m Anything man too then)
(ah no sorry, there’s only allowed to be one anything man)

He could withstand over 300 Sieverts of Gamma Radiation
He could swim like a fish through the dodgiest water I think you know where this is going.
High PH Levels or acidity, hyper nephelometer turbidity
And that’s cause he was

Anything man, Anything man,
Anything man, Anything man,
He could do anything but only because Frank Burt was bigger than us

It seemed Anything man was unbeatable.
But if I could somehow find the limits of Frank Burt’s knowledge
then Anything man would be hamstrung.

So, Frank. Anything Man’s pretty smart huh. How many bogamits does his brain operate at?

Lots. In fact an infinite number.

AHA, Bogamits is the measurement of how often a process is idle. Which means your brain is idle 100% of the time.

Noooooo, I’ll get you next time.

Anything man. Anything man.
Anything man. Anything man.

He could do anything within the confines of Frank Burns intellect.

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